word choice Archives - Page 6 of 6

A Crow of His Own
by Megan Dowd Lambert (Author) and David Hyde Costello (Illustrator)

Booktalk: Clyde is the new rooster at Sunrise Farm. But he’s having trouble fitting in and replacing Larry—the beloved rooster whose wake-up calls were legendary. The cow, the gaggle of hens, and the sheep reminisce about Larry while poor Clyde fails to croon the farmyard awake with the same finesse.

Snippet: When Larry was called off to new opportunities, Sunrise Farm suddenly found itself without its prized rooster. The animals overslept and no one knew what to do.

Six Traits Mini Lesson

Trait: Organization The story begins with the inciting incident. Something has changed, and that causes a problem… So what happens next?

Snippet:
“Not to worry,” soothed Farmer Jay.
“We have a plan,” added Farmer Kevin.

Trait: Word Choice The word “said” is commonly used as a dialogue tag. It is so common that it is almost invisible. But “said” isn’t the only word choice a writer has. Consider the verbs used in this mentor text. The verb “soothed” is more evocative than the verb “said” because it adds emotion. The use of the verb “added” in the next sentence indicates that the conversation is continuing.

The word “said” would have worked just fine in both of these sentences, but using these other verbs adds another layer of meaning to the dialogue. This is why I consider word choice to be a small details trait. After you figure out your story’s Big Picture (with the ideas, organization and voice traits), looking at the story again (re-vision) and making simple word choice changes can add a new layer of meaning to the story.

K-9 (Knightley and Son)
by Rohan Gavin (Author)

Booktalk: London’s Youngest detective is back . . . Darkus Knightley, tweed-wearing, megabrained, fiercely logical thirteen-year-old investigator of the weird, was just getting used to having his private-eye dad back in his life. Then Alan Knightley went off radar again, leaving Darkus with the family mutt, a traumatized ex-police dog, as his only partner in crime-solving.

Now a mysterious canine conspiracy is howling for the attention of Knightley & Son. Shadowy trained hounds are attacking policemen at the full moon. Family pets are being mauled by a beast at a top London tourist spot. And two curiously alert canines seem to be watching Darkus’s house. No one is using the word “werewolf”-yet-but it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to work out that someone or something sinister is messing with the minds of London’s dog population. Will our intrepid father-son duo make it to the next full moon?

Snippet:
Downstairs, Tilly was eating a large bowl of cereal while Clive watched in silence from the opposite end of the kitchen table.

“Well . . . ? Who is he?” demanded Clive flatly. “This mysterious character on the two-wheeled bottle rocket.”

Jackie raised her eyebrows and continued emptying the dishwasher.

“A friend,” Tilly replied.

Six Traits Mini Lesson

Trait: Word Choice “Show, don’t tell” is the advice given to many writers, but you actually need to do both. A story needs to show and to tell. It’s a question of when. This passage begins a new scene. To let the readers know where the scene takes place, the story in this mentor text tells them with a single word:

Downstairs,

Then it tells us the character’s names and shows us what they are doing:

Tilly was eating a large bowl of cereal while Clive watched in silence

The sentence ends with more telling by adding another setting detail.

from the opposite end of the kitchen table.

Notice how the sentence alternates between showing and telling? Nouns TELL (setting details, character names) and verbs SHOW (actions and emotions).